I’ve been feeling very out of control of situations lately.
It’s not a good feeling for someone who spends their life being the leader, the one who is in control, the one who (mostly) has their shit together.
However, it’s where I’m at right now and it’s a bit scary to me because I don’t typically function well in this type of environment. I’m not a complainer by nature, but I also don’t like a lot of change. Because change = me not in charge.
Earlier in January I blogged about my dog’s sudden passing. (Thank you for all the love, support and comments.) I’m still trying to deal with that and I’ll admit, it’s taking me longer than I expected to heal from that emotional punch in the heart.
Furthermore, I’m dealing with an injury. Yeah… another one. I came back too fast from my previous injury and developed a heel spur. Which, on its own, wouldn’t actually be a bother because heel spurs don’t hurt.
Except that it’s digging into the plantar fascia tissue. Not cool, heel spur. Not. Cool.
I’m in pain. And have been since November, really, but finally went to the doctor a few weeks ago. (Again with the control thing and thinking that I could fix things on my own. Note to self: I cannot. Also, I’m not a doctor.)
My doctor is very proactive and said that I can continue working out, as much as I can tolerate. I have anti-inflammatory cream, and exercises, and I’m getting custom orthotics (ooooooh, fancy!). If all those exciting things don’t work, we’ll discuss arthroscopic surgery to cut the plantar fascia. He suggested that if something hurts, I do not do it. This includes box jumps, step ups, jumping jacks, and… running.
Let’s get back to that control thing for a minute. That’s a lot of things right there that I’m not able to do. And ordinarily, it would send me into a tailspin. However, I’ve made the conscious decision to focus on the positive and what I can do. Because I can control my reactions to when things don’t go my way.
I can continue working with my trainer and do most things that he barks at me. Furthermore, I am able to speed walking without too much pain, which is exactly what I’m doing. I’m taking charge of the situation and while it’s not ideal, and it sure as heck isn’t running, it’s something. And in my world, something is always better than giving up.
And it really leads back to my motto, I can and I will. Rather than focusing on all the negatives, all the limitations, I’ll be focusing on what I can do to move ahead with my goals.
I’m training for my third Atlantic City April Fool’s Half on April 6th and I’m committed to getting the training done. By making the speed walking modification (walking on the treadmill at 4.0-4.5) and playing with the incline (anywhere from 2% – 15%. If it’s on 15%, I’m at 2.8 mph), I’m able to get in a good workout. I logged 94 miles in January. My goal is 40-60 minutes three days a week and long “runs” on the weekend. And I doubt this very much since we are in winter forever, but if it ever warms up, I’ll head outside.
So, friends, that’s where I’m at at the moment. Again, it’s not ideal and it’s not where I want to be but as long as I’m breathing and moving, I consider that a win. Yay me!
What do you do when life doesn’t go as planned? Are you a crazy obsessive planner like me or more of a go-with-the-flow type of person? Also, I hope you’re singing Janet Jackson songs for the rest of the day like I’ll be. No, my first name ain’t baby.
I’m a planner, OCD at its best.. 🙂 However a good night’s sleep makes everything better.
I agree – the night’s sleep really does put things into perspective. I always try not to make rash decisions and “sleep on things” because somehow, in the morning light, my rationale is much clearer.
That spur looks unpleasant. I hope your fancy new orthotics help! As a fellow control freak, nothing pisses me off more than life’s little curve balls. When I’m not getting my way in life, I tend to over do it on the things I can control like my diet and my kids (HA! That one is a joke). But not before I have a good wallow at the ‘woe is me’ pity party.
My kids DO NOT PLAY ALONG with my controlling ways. I mean, don’t they know?
Seriously. I was really hoping the title of “Mom” would give me some street cred.
With others, yes. With our children? Never.
You’ve got a great attitude about this! There’s still so much that you can and will do. And there still so much you can control, Miss Jackson 😉
When I was 17, I did what people told me! 😉
I am dealing with an injury too–a tweaked Achilles, which is definitely not part of my race-cation plans over the spring. It’s lasted much longer than I thought it would so I had a massive sulk session this weekend and now I’m going to try to just keep my fitness up, keep rehabbing and hope that I am pain free soon. Good luck with your heel spurs and plantar! Hope you are up and running soon!
~Lisa
I hear you, Lisa! I’ve been following your blog and reading about your Achilles pain. It’s really not fun, is it? Wishing you healing wishes – let’s get past this!
No it isn’t! I am sending you healing wishes too! Let’s hope that in the coming weeks we are both back in action and pain free! *hugs*
I consider myself a recovering control freak. I try, but it’s a constant challenge. After I had my kids, it became quite apparent that I could no longer control things and when I tried to, we all ended up miserable. Anyhow, I’m like you when things are down – I focus on the positive. There is ALWAYS something positive. It’s all about attitude. Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery.
I totally hear you about the kid factor – it has really taught me how to loosen up and stop being QUITE as controlling as I once was. I definitely am still very much in control but I also try to limit it to myself and not drive the people around me too crazy. I use my control for good, not evil! 😉
Thank you so much for the comment – here’s hoping that the healing process is underway.
I feel your pain. I’m still struggling with a sprained knee and I feel like all the training I’ve done is going to waste. I know it’s not, because I continue to cross/weight train, but it’s in my head. I also keep telling myself to do what I can, but it’s hard to see friends and my other half out there hitting the pavement. I’m jealous! I’m going to take a page out of your book and try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Here’s hoping we are all healed and recovered soon!
YES. It’s really hard to hear of all these things and events that friends are doing and I’m like… well, I’m walking fast on the treadmill. Thankfully right now there’s not too many races going on so I am trying to focus on the healing and still train. I hope that you are feeling better soon!
I’m so right there with you. As you know, I’m struggling with injury, too. It really sucks when you can’t do the things you want to do or do those things without pain. I want to be training for spring races, but I can’t do distance right now. And, no matter what I do…so far I’m still dealing with the injury. So, I keep trudging along and trying do everything that is at least in my power to get past this. We’ll see how it goes. Luck to all of us dealing with things that are out of our control!
I still vote we have that hibernation party. THAT WILL SURELY HELP ALL THE INJURIES.
Ahhhh you are so dang positive, I luvvv it. That looks painful. But you are so right- you are in control of your reactions. And it sounds like you have a pretty solid way of thinking and just taking baby steps through this out-of-control moment. I love the quote- on not dwelling on things and moving on to the next day. For some reason, humans have this knack for making this standards and barriers towards their happiness and sometimes it is whether x amount of miles ran or if they did that or weight this or this and that. PSSSH. Kick that thinking to the curb and just embrace every day.
I hope that evil little spur goes away!
Thanks, Lily! Something has to give here because right now, this pain is just not cutting it. I’m hoping that the orthotics are like little pillows for my feet and I’ll will breathe a sigh of relief once they arrive. Hey, it could happen, right?
That sounds so stressful about your foot – I really hope that it heals up quickly and you don’t need surgery. 🙁
Yeah, it’s not the best feeling in the world, that’s for sure. Totally trying to just take each day as it presents itself to me and keep moving. That’s all we can really do, right?
I remember an orthopedic surgeon saying to me once that with plantar fasciitis, the only cure that actually works is rest. So while I truly hope the other things help you, please take it easy and don’t push yourself too much! I want you to be happy and healed and ready to rock. <3 <3
REST? BUT BUT BUT. HOW? How can I do that when there are so many things to do? (I know, that probably would help. I might try that too. Maybe. The walking doesn’t agitate it like the running does so I guess that helps too.)
I know how you feel, believe me. I’d say you’re good to do anything that doesn’t hurt. <3
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