I’m going to let you in on a terribly kept little secret.
Sometimes, more often than I care to admit, I don’t like running. In fact, I don’t use the H word often but I might have said that I’ve *hated* running once or twice.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry; Please don’t shun me from the runner’s club!
I say it’s terribly kept because I’ve got no qualms telling anyone who asks what I truly think about running. My relationship with running has always been tumultuous. In fact, the “it’s complicated” status would be what I’d use to describe us (you know, if Facebook wanted to know the nitty gritty details of me and running).
Cam, Me and Vic before my first race ever (smiles can be deceiving – I was terrified.)
It’s just that, well, there are some days that I’m quite reluctant to run. Once I’m moving, the reluctantly usually subsides, but the motivation to get going is a challenge. I always wind up doing it because I’m fairly driven, but I understand and sympathize with people who say to me “I don’t know how you do it.” Because, honestly, there are days when I’m not sure myself how I do it.
I just do.
I run on the treadmill more than I run on the road, because that’s what currently fits in my life. And also because I feel like when I run outside, people are judging me. The rational part of me knows otherwise but the scared girl who walked around the track in high school instead of running the mile doesn’t want to look foolish.
For years I said those four words that so many people say: I’m not a runner. I had a million reasons why I wasn’t a runner. My knees. My body type. My genetics. It’s Thursday. I don’t run unless I’m being chased.
But the real reason I wasn’t a runner?
Because it’s HARD. Running is a challenge, physically demanding and it occasionally hurts. I remember asking Vic if it gets easier and I think she told me that it does. Or at least that’s what I want to believe she told me because I’m still waiting for that to happen.
Injuries after my first 5k (which happened to be a mud run).
Maybe one day?
I sign up for races because I know that it will encourage me to train consistently. I have moments of greatness with running. They usually happen while I’m running alone with my ear buds in and I lose myself in the run. Like I said, it doesn’t happen often but I’m constantly searching for those moments of greatness because I know they exist, the almost mythical creature that shows up just when you start thinking that maybe you imagined the entire thing.
I get a great sense of accomplishment that I’m running. It’s mine, and I don’t have to be the fastest or the best. I’m a non-competitive person by natural, at least where athletics is concerned. So when it comes to running, it’s enough for me that I’m actually doing it, after 34 years of not doing it. I don’t beat myself up (too much) if I don’t hit a PR goal or get upset if I’m 62 out of 67 in my age group. I’ll take it because the fact that I’m participating is what matters most of all.
Let’s get back to those moments of greatness. Lately, they’ve been showing up more, little glimmers that remind me why I do this (other than the health benefits). Maybe I’m actually figuring out this running stuff a bit more. Maybe I’m improving as a runner and therefore I’m seeing them more and it’s all related.
Maybe I actually like running. A little bit.
Okay, fine. A lot.
I can and I will.
Do you find yourself falling more and more in love with running every day? Or is your relationship status “it’s complicated” too? Do you run to race or to say you’ve done it?
I’m in a love/hate relationship with running.
Glad to hear that I’m not the only one! It’s not always easy to make it happen but I never regret having done it.
I’m 12 days away from my 3rd half marathon. and I currently hate running. Between injuries, weight gain, horrible weather I have yet to find my groove where I can consistently run miles without pain or tiredness. I am really really hoping I will love running again soon, but it hasn’t happened yet this year.
Hey Krissy – I hear you, girl! I’m 12 days out from my 5th half marathon and while I’m not hating running at the moment, I’m sort of hating the weather near me and dreading what Mother Nature has in store for this race (it’s on the boardwalk so it’s naturally a couple of degrees colder there ANYWAY…). I find that if I just repeat to myself “do what you’re capable of within this moment” it helps me not hate it (so much).
Now here’s a post I can get on board with!! Thank you for showing that everyone, no matter how physically fit, is fallible! You don’t have to love running; you just have to wake up another day and keep going!! Love it! Now if only I could lace up my sneakers!
Shannon – YOU CAN! And hey, pick a 5k and I’ll do it with you. Seriously.
I love you more after reading this! But running? I don’t like running very much right now. It’s hard. I’m not good at it. I feel awesome when I finish, but I’m cursing during the workout.
But you’re “Chipper Jen”… if you’re not liking it, is there any hope for the rest of us?
Haha, I had to google “Chipper Jen” but yeah…it’s not as much fun when it’s hard! I’m going to keep on keeping on, so I know it’ll get better. I’ll still be chipper for the rest of you though.
It’ll come back, I promise. In the meantime, pretend like we’re with you! I know that’s easier said than done. There are definitely days when I’m very MEH. I log the miles and move on . Sometimes, that’s all you can do.
Thanks! And my goal is to run the 10 miler at your pace. I know that won’t happen just by praying about it. Can’t stop, won’t stop.
We’ll be fine. We are totally stopping for pics with Vader and a few other villains anyway, so we will be good to go. I’m going to be crawling for Wine and Dine though
Not only do I actively hate running almost every second I spend doing it, but I am terrified the whole time I run. Will I fall off the treadmill? Am I in someone’s way when I run outside? Are people staring? Is that a car behind me? OH GOD WHAT IF I NEVER CATCH MY BREATH AGAIN? Wait, that hurt. Did I just tear something?
And then I run in a race and in my head, Chariots of Fire is blasting as I cross over the finish line and that’s pretty much why I keep doing it. (Okay. Inconsistently. But still.)
All of this. Exactly. (Except I hear the Rocky theme instead of Chariots of Fire.)
I hate running during training runs. I think I would like it more if after each one, someone would hand me Gatorade and a bagel. And possibly a medal if it were more than three miles. Oh, and a tech shirt, cause I love me some tech shirts. Is that too much to ask?
If all runs were like races, we would have it MADE. I honestly don’t think it’s too much to ask. Everyone should cater to our every whim. It would make this running thing a whole lot more fun.
Once. A friend. Set up a rest station mid-long run. Gatorade, orange slices, his son even took pictures. Slice of heaven. Why can’t every run be like that?
Today, I nearly hurled running hills. Sigh
Our poor knees! Seriously, mud runs leave BATTLE SCARS! Great post, Meri. I totally relate. Some days you just have to push through and log the miles. Tomorrow’s always a new day!
I had a Harry Potter lightning bolt shaped scar on my knee after that one. Sadly, it faded. It was a good conversation piece!
The HP scar! Yes, it was a good conversation starter. Still is! Well done again Meri!
I’m so thrilled to read someone else feels this way about running too! I do think having races on the calendar helps keep me motivated! Beautiful weather helps too! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Stacy! I’m glad that I’m not the only one that has this relationship with running – I think it makes the running that we do that much more SPECIAL, if that makes sense.
Beautiful weather definitely helps – I had PERFECT running weather this past weekend for the half I did but right now it’s currently POURING outside. Womp.
I suppose the treadmill will have to do for today.
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Oh man… I hadn’t read this post before, but YES. Yes, yes, yes. This is me. Also, this: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running.
YES. I loved The Oatmeal’s post a couple of days ago.
The Blerch!
Meridith, you’ve really moved forward, literally and figuratively.
Now you have your whole family involved.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks Mom2! I still have those “hating” moment but they are definitely fewer and far between. I think when I put less pressure on myself and just enjoy, things go a lot better in my head space.
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